


How We Feel is Hard to Fake

by greeny1710



Series: Alternate Works of Chaotic Trio [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Chaotic Trio AU, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Yes i wrote an au of my own au, i don't even know man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23018824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeny1710/pseuds/greeny1710
Summary: Seb gets offered a job that means things have to change with his husband and sons. And it doesn't mean that teenagers will react any better.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen, Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel
Series: Alternate Works of Chaotic Trio [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772158
Comments: 26
Kudos: 75





	How We Feel is Hard to Fake

**Author's Note:**

> so basically
> 
> remember that When You Love Someone fic about Daniel's parents splitting up? Well that's canon-compliant to my Chaotic Trio verse. 
> 
> And I wrote in the notes there 'So my original plan was to have this be from one of the Chaotic Trio’s POV and it be Seb and Kimi that were breaking up, but even I’m not that cruel (right now anyway lol) so we’ve got Daniel being sad instead', and I've not stopped thinking about splitting Seb and Kimi up since. 
> 
> And THEN **geekdreams** and I got talking in the comments about that being too painful however... they then said _a part of me (that apparently enjoys suffering) would really like to see an au of this verse where Kimi and Seb do split up_ and well.. 
> 
> here you go.
> 
> THIS IS NOT COMPLIANT WITH CHAOTIC TRIO AND IS NOT GOING TO BE CANON IN CHAOTIC TRIO. BASICALLY I IGNORE EVERY ASPECT OF CHAOTIC TRIO SERIES ASIDE FROM SEB AND KIMI HAVING THE KIDS AND SEB BEING A LAWYER. THIS IS NOT WHAT IS THE FUTURE OF THE CHAOTIC TRIO VERSE. THAT IS WHY IT IS NOT TAGGED INTO THAT SERIES. 
> 
> Basically this is me furiously trying to remind you that the boys will not be sad in the 'verse more and Seb and Kimi are happily married forever more in the series itself and Seb will not be leaving at all, and I just wanted to write from Seb's POV for a change because I was bored and I'm trying to work out another chaotic trio fic and I just needed some pain
> 
> yeah
> 
> enjoy lads

“Kids! Can you come downstairs a minute?”

Max sighed and ended his call with Daniel, exchanging a brief ‘I love you’ before sliding off his bed.

Charles rolled his eyes and finished off a couple of stitches, tying it off and dropping the fabric onto the floor.

Valtteri stayed texting the entire time he walked downstairs, laughing lightly at the things Lewis was saying. 

“Dad, what’s wrong?” Charles asked the second they reached the doorframe. 

Sebastian was hunched over, his head dropped in his hands, and when he looked up, the three boys instantly wanted to turn on their heels and leave. Sebastian’s eyes were rimmed red and looking devastated as he smiled sadly at the trio of boys. 

“Hi kids, can you come sit down for us please?”

“Dad what’s going on?” Charles repeated.

“Just come sit down, your Dad and I need to talk to you guys,” Sebastian said and he saw the moment that Max realised something was wrong.

“No. No. Not until you say what’s wrong,” Max denied.

“Max just come and sit down.”

“No!”

“Max, baby, please, just come sit down.”

Max frantically shook his head, the tears building up and his hands shaking.

“No dad please no. You promised, you said you loved him.” Max’s voice cracked dangerously and Seb wanted nothing more than to wrap Max up in his arms and promise him that nothing would change, but Max was always the one who noticed everything. And there was no way he could deny that Max had figured it out already.

“Go sit down, listen to your Dad,” Kimi murmured, gently easing the boys forward.

“What’s going on? Why are you crying?” Valtteri asked. 

Valtteri’s voice was cold, and Sebastian instantly didn’t want to tell the kids anymore. Max was close to a breakdown already, Charles was frantically looking between his parents and clutching onto the hem of Max’s shirt and Valtteri was almost refusing to come and sit down, instead loitering in the doorway.

Seb looked down for a moment and ran his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t look at the boys who he’d made a promise to love their father forever to and know that all he’d left instead was a broken heart and a destroyed home. 

Max’s fists were clenched on his thighs and he refused to look up, refused to make eye contact with any of them and it broke Sebastian’s heart. The kids were seventeen, and yet it hurt just as much now as it would’ve if they were little boys again. 

“We need to talk. Your Dad and I have something we need to talk to you three about.” Kimi said, as he sat down beside Seb. 

“Are you splitting up?” Charles asked, his voice quiet. 

Kimi and Seb looked at each other momentarily before dragging their eyes back to the boys. 

“First things first, you three are our absolute priority. You mean the world to us both and no matter what, you three always come first.” Kimi said, and Sebastian had to close his eyes when he heard Kimi’s voice crack.

“We love you. Always. Never going to stop regardless of whatever you do. You’re the best thing to ever happen to us and being your Dads is the best thing in the world.”

“And were always so proud of you, and nothing about what we’re going to tell you is your fault. None of you. It’s just something we’ve come to realise ourselves.” Seb continued, finally looking at the boys. 

The three teenagers were in different states. Charles was staring blankly, Max had tears racing down his cheeks and Valtteri was trying to comfort his brothers whilst also still staring at them. 

“Something has come up, an opportunity, and we’ve talked a lot, me and your Dad, and we’ve come to a decision,” Kimi said, “And it’s going to be painful to say this, but me and your Dad-“

“Don’t say it,” Max whimpered, “Please Dad, don’t say it.”

“Maxy, it’s okay,” Kimi said, dropping forward to crouch in front of the three boys and run his hand across theirs, “It’s okay, just listen to me for a second, okay? Me and your Dad, we’re going to separate, okay?”

“No!” Max cried, “No! You promised!”

“Maxy, it’s alright-”

“Why? What did we do wrong?” Valtteri asked. 

“Nothing, it’s absolutely nothing that’s your fault boys.”

“So why are you doing it?”

Kimi looked across at Seb and shrugged. 

“It’s your place to tell them. You’re the one who-”

“I know,” Seb snapped, “I know it’s my fault.”

“Dad please..” Charles whispered.

“I got a job.”

“What, like a promotion?”

“Kind of. It’s not with the firm though, I’m going with another organisation.”

There was a moment of awkward silence in which they all stared at each other but nothing was said.

“They need to know, Seb. Stop beating around the bush,” Kimi said when the silence prolonged. 

It wasn’t that he was denying telling them anything, it was more that now he was tasked with telling them, it was real all of a sudden. It was more than just a job offer, it was telling his family that he was leaving for the job.

“It’s with UNICEF. The organisation that gave us you two,” Seb said, smiling at the twins, “And I’m going to work with them. At the headquarters, lead lawyer on some of the big cases to do with child trafficking.”

“The headquarters?” Max whispered, “That’s in New York..”

“Yeah, yeah it is. That’s why-”

Sebastian was cut off by Charles yanking his arm away, jumping over them and running away, his body carrying him through the front door and onto the streets. 

“Charles!” Sebastian had to chase after him, grabbing the front door just before Charles could slam it. 

Charles was already sprinting away, his legs moving so fast that Sebastian wondered why their boy hadn’t bothered with athletics. He’d always been quick and Seb had always encouraged him to run, but right now, he was regretting it a hell of a lot when he realised just how quick Charles could move. 

“Charles please just listen!” Sebastian shouted.

Charles stumbled to a stop eventually and when he did, Sebastian saw the way his shoulders were violently shaking and he couldn’t catch his breath.

“You promised me,” Charles sobbed, “You said he meant everything to you, why are you doing this? You said you loved him.”

“And I do, baby,” Sebastian said, coming forward and wrapping Charles up in his arms, “I love your Dad a lot and that’s why we have to do this. We love each other but we’re not happy anymore, Charlie. We want different things and we can’t give each other that happy life we’d promised because of it. And sometimes, as much as it hurts, if you love someone you have to let them go.”

“I don’t want you to let him go.”

“It’s the right thing to do. We still love you and your brothers, that doesn’t change anything, and we love each other but we can’t stay together through this and be happy, Charles, and it pains me so much but we can’t keep pretending. If we split up now, we’re going to split up as friends and your Dad will always mean the world to me but we just can’t be together anymore, and I know it’s scary and you’re upset and you’re allowed to be, God only knows I’m terrified, but nothing important is going to change. You’ll still live at home and Dad will still do your dinner and drive you to school and-”

“But you make breakfast..” he whimpered, “You read my schoolwork, you make him smile. You come home every day for dinner and we watch movies as a family on a Friday! You’re important, Dad! And that’s all going to change because you’re being selfish!”

Sebastian held Charles against him as Charles screamed and sobbed. It was numbing holding his son as he broke down. It was the only way that Sebastian could stop himself breaking down too. 

It was his fault. He knew that. 

Since being made partner, things had gotten so much busier at work and when you’re then offered a dream job working as The Lawyer on these cases and amidst figuring out the chaos of that you’re trying to convince your husband that you should move your entire lives _yet again_ to another country, only this one being half way around the world, it’s not exactly something you can compromise on. This had always been the job Seb wanted, and the opportunities would be endless. And Seb knew it was going to be tough, but he thought he and Kimi were strong enough to deal with it.

He’d thought, selfishly, that maybe he could go to New York and Kimi could stay at home in England with the boys until they went off to Uni. Valtteri only had a few months until he started and the twins had another year left before they followed their big brother, and Seb could come home every once in a while. And then once the boys were all at uni, himself and Kimi could move to the US permanently. Maybe the twins could even go to college in the US. Max was smart enough to get in anywhere and there were art schools all over the world fighting for Charles’. 

But that wasn’t enough for Kimi. Kimi didn’t want to leave England, not when their boys were all picking to stay at university there, not when they had Max who needed them and was sometimes at risk of hospitalisation just from dealing with the darkness of his own mind sometimes. And Seb understood it, he really did. He didn’t want to leave his babies behind, not in another country where if they needed him he couldn’t get to them. But this was the job he’d been working towards for years. This was the organisation that he’d first found out about Charles and Max through. It was time to repay his debt to them and yet all it did was destroy his family. 

“I don’t want you to leave,” Charles whispered.

“We’ll figure things out baby, things are going to be really different soon but that’s okay. You’ll be okay once I’m gone and you’re settled again.”

“Don’t go,” Charles sobbed harder, “I’m sorry we can be better just please stay Dad.”

“I have to go, Charles, it’s for the best.”

Charles frantically shook his head and Sebastian could do nothing more than card his fingers through Charles’ hair and kiss the tears away. 

They’d always anticipated it being Max who broke down. Max who screamed and shouted and protested. He was the one who struggled the most with change. But here their baby was, sobbing until there was no emotion left in him and clutching onto Seb and begging that he could be better. 

“It’s not your fault, Charlie, it’s none of your fault. It’s just what’s best for me and your Dad.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Charles repeated, “I don’t want to miss you, I’m sorry for being a brat, just please stay.”

“I can’t, Charlie, I can’t. I have to go. It’s for the best.”

“Stay with me! Stay with us! I love you!” Charles was close to hysterical at this point and it was the final point that tipped Sebastian over the edge. 

He held Charles as carefully as he could and cried into his hair, repeating the same words back, ‘I love you, I’m sorry’, as he cried softly into his son’s hair. 

And no matter how hard Sebastian tried, he knew it wouldn’t be okay and it wouldn’t magically fix things no matter how hard he tried. He loved his boys and he loved his husband. But he had to do what was best for them, and this was ultimately the best. No matter how much it hurt and how painful it was, the love he had for his family had to overrule his own pain to keep them all happy and safe.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Charles cried.

Sebastian wished he didn’t have to either. But he knew that it was the right thing to do ultimately. And he hated it. 

He hated it so much. 

But it was the right thing and Seb just had to keep telling himself that. And no matter how hard Charles was crying and Max would be freaking out when they got home and Valtteri would probably refuse to talk to them and Kimi looked at him with love but sadness evident in those beautiful eyes he’d fallen for more than twenty years ago and Sebastian’s heart broke with every breath he took, it was going to be the right thing in the long run. 

At the moment, it just felt like everything was falling apart and Sebastian’s heart was falling apart with it. 

\----

They’d always decided Kimi would keep the house once Seb left, and even though Seb was still in the UK, he’d be moving to live in a hotel for a couple of weeks whilst he organised moving to the States to give his family chance to start getting used to their new normality. The boys needed their home and they needed their stability, and as much as it hurt, Seb could leave that home to them. 

He was the one willing to go to America and leave their lives here behind. It was only fair that he be the one who had to sacrifice normality when he was the one who was behind destroying their lives. 

The night they told the boys, Seb had slept in one of the guest rooms. 

One of the perks of being a fancy lawyer was that you could buy a big house that had enough room so that each child had a bedroom each and there was still guest rooms left over.

The house had never felt too big. Having twin boys who seemed to spend 90% of their time either chasing each other through it or would be in separate rooms on separate floors and still somehow manage to have a screaming argument through it didn’t let a place feel too big. And since the boys had started finding boyfriends (well actually it was more that Max had found a boyfriend and Valtteri was pining after a boy and Charles.. well.. Charles was Charles. He had fun, that was all that mattered), there was always noise and there was always something happening that made their house a home. 

But that night, laying in the guest bedroom and their boys all silent and no sound of Kimi shuffling around beside him, it was like a graveyard.

Seb guessed it was about time he started getting used to it though. It’s not like he’d be back in Kimi’s arms any time soon. 

Waking in the morning had been painful, and yet Sebastian knew he had to carry on as normal. The kids had sixth-form, Kimi had work, Sebastian had cases to fight and a meeting in the chambers with a judge and the defence team in the afternoon.

He’d never felt more exhausted in his life. 

It was the right thing to do. They both knew it. 

It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a fucking bitch though. 

“Dad?” A small voice carried through the kitchen once Seb was up and making breakfast. 

His briefcase was lying on the side, his blazer over a chair and his tie loose around his neck. 

“You alright, Max?”

“Do you have to go?”

Sebastian opened his arms and Max walked straight into him, his arms going around his waist as he pressed his face into Seb’s shoulder.

“I do, baby, this job, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know, and I don’t want to leave you guys either, but-”

“I want you to take the job,” Max murmured, “I don’t want you to go, but I know how hard you’ve worked for this, Dad, and you deserve it. You deserve a chance to be happy.”

“I’m happy with you guys, don’t think I’m not.”

“I know. I know you love us and I know Dad loves you still. He wouldn’t let you go this easily if he wasn’t doing it because he loves you. I just, I’m really going to miss you. We all are.”

“I can guarantee you I’ll miss you fifty times more. I might only be there a couple of months anyway.”

“Or you could be there for the rest of your career. And you deserve this chance. I’m not going to lie, Dad, I hate you for doing this but I know how important this is and we’re growing up. We can deal with change. It’ll be weird but it’s not like we’ll never see you again.”

“I promise, before Val starts at uni, the three of you can come over and see what life is like on the other side of the pond.”

“Charles will drag you to a fashion show,” Max laughed.

“I’ll do whatever you guys want, I’ll miss you like crazy.” Seb replied. 

He kissed Max’s hairline and pulled him back, cradling their middle child’s jaw in his hands and forcing him to look up at him. Max had tears in his eyes and he looked sad, but there was a hint of hope in his eyes and Seb knew that Max was telling the truth. Their boy couldn’t keep his emotions off his face and Max was the open book that stories were told from. And when Seb knew that Max was happy and proud, it’s because he was. 

“I’m going to miss you so much,” Seb whispered, kissing Max’s forehead. 

“We’ll miss you too. But facetime exists, Dad. You’re not getting rid of us that easily. New York is five hours behind us, so by time you’re finishing up at work we’ll be getting ready for bed, we’ll work things out Dad.”

“And you can text me whenever you need to. I’ll always be there for you even if I’m in a different country. It’ll still kill me with how much I’m going to miss you.”

“Then don’t fucking go,” Valtteri’s voice hit them, “You’re being selfish.”

“Valtteri please.”

“No, it’s not fair. You said you wouldn’t do this.”

“Val, it’s not like that.”

“It’s precisely like that!” Valtteri shouted. 

Valtteri wasn’t the emotional one. He wasn’t one that lost his temper and he always protected his little brothers. He’d never argued with his parents and he did everything in his power to be the level-headed one. Sebastian had never seen that fire and hatred in his eyes. 

“Valtteri Viktor Räikkönen-Vettel, go and calm down!” Kimi’s voice echoed through, and Sebastian shook his head. 

“Let him say his piece, Kimi.”

“He’s being a brat.”

“He’s allowed to be, he’s upset,” Sebastian shrugged, “I’m sorry, Val, I really am. But me and your Dad have been talking about this for a while and we always knew if this happened I’d take the job, I’m sorry.”

“I hate you.” Valtteri scoffed, “Selfish bastard.”

Valtteri shook his head and turned on his heel, slamming his way out of the house. Kimi looked over at Sebastian and Max was looking between them, close to tears himself. 

“I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Let him be angry, Kimi, he’s seventeen, he’s allowed to be upset.”

“He can’t talk to you like that.”

“I’d rather he was screaming and calling me it than kicking off at you. He’s upset, Kimi, of course he’s going to shout at me.”

“It doesn’t mean they can keep kicking off like this though.”

“Max isn’t kicking off, Charles is upset but he’s still talking to me, Valtteri’s upset and he’s angry. Let him be.”

Kimi sighed and nodded. 

“Go and get dressed, Max,” He said.

Max nodded slowly and looked between his parents. 

“I’m sorry,” He murmured.

“It’s not your fault, kiddo, it’s no one’s fault.”

But they all knew that wasn’t entirely true. It was Sebastian’s fault and the kids had every right to be upset. 

It was just that none of them expected it to be Valtteri that it was hitting the hardest. He was the one that, theoretically, should’ve been least affected. He was going off to uni soon, he’d be moving out, he was always out at hockey practice. 

Yet he was their first born. 

Their first baby. 

He was the one that was going to be most affected because he had no idea what life was like without both his Dads around. Max and Charles, they were adopted. They’d lived a life without Seb and Kimi. They’d only been very, very small but they’d experienced what it was like to not have their two dads. It should’ve been Max that was freaking out. He was the one with anxiety and he was the one that didn’t do good with change. He was the one with the dangerous mind that tried to hurt him sometimes. But he had Daniel now. He had someone to distract him.

Valtteri has exams coming up soon and university to move in to. He didn’t have the luxury of being able to switch his brain off for a few months. Max and Charles did. Charles could work out his emotions through his art and Max could get lost in helping Daniel revise. Valtteri didn’t have that. 

Yes he had his hockey practice and he had Lewis, but he couldn’t get distracted in the same way the twins could. 

“I’ll talk with Val when I pick him up tonight. Charles is staying late for art and Max is going out with Dan, so I’ll talk with Valtteri,” Kimi said.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian murmured, looking across at Kimi. 

“Don’t apologise, kulta,” Kimi said, pulling Seb into him and running his hand down his back, “We always knew this day was going to come. And you’re going to do amazing. I’ll miss you every single day, but I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you,” Sebastian whispered, “So much.”

“I’ll always love you, Seb,” Kimi replied. 

They’d talked a lot over the past couple of months since the suggestion of the job had come up, gone into depth about what they would do as soon as the rumours started surfacing. There had been arguments, debates, a lot of tears and some nights that ended with them not talking to each other. But they’d had to do that. And they’d had to come to the conclusion that separating was best for them. It was painful and neither of them were okay, but it was what would be best. They’d never stop loving each other even if they couldn’t be together anymore. It’s just the way the world worked sometimes. 

And regardless of the pain, they had three amazing boys that needed their dads to tell them everything was going to be okay and that they would be alright one day. Right now, the pain of it made it seem like it never would, but it would be. In time. Life would go on. 

Sebastian went into work like it was another normal day. Word of his new position still hadn’t gone through the office and he knew it wouldn’t be long until it did. The only one to know about it was Britta, and that was simply because, as his PA, she’d read his emails before he did so that he knew which ones to prioritise. 

“How are the kids taking it?”

“Max, way better than we could’ve expected. He’s upset, they all are, but he’s doing okay. Charles ran off and then sobbed for a long time, but he’s _alright_. Valtteri, he’s.. he’s so angry. He shouted at me this morning, told me hated me, called me selfish. It’s so bizarre hearing the anger come from him and not Max or Charles. Those two, we expected it, but they’re doing really well.”

“I guess part of them, probably unconsciously, remembers that feeling of ‘abandonment’, and I know you’re not abandoning them, but they’ve experienced parents leaving them before and they’re going to be upset and scared, you’re their Dad, but they know, they all do, even Valtteri, that you wouldn’t be doing this if you hadn’t already looked into it a million times over.”

“The idea of leaving them behind, it terrifies me.”

“They’re all big boys, they’re growing up, Seb, they’re going to be flying the nest soon anyway.”

“I’m going to miss them, Britta.” Seb told her, dropping back into his chair and staring at the lady that made his life better.

“I’m going to miss you too, you annoying sod, but life goes on. And you’ll be back over here visiting us, working and presenting at the UN every now and again and all that. It’s not goodbye, and it’s definitely not time for goodbye yet. Still got a few weeks before you go over for a visit, Seb, it’s not changing yet.”

Seb knew Britta was right. He was scheduled to go out to New York in a few weeks, to go apartment shopping, to go and see his new work place, to meet the people and the business he’d be overseeing. And as scary as it was, Seb was excited. He knew it would be the opportunity he’d always wanted. 

“Right, anyway, enough being emotional. You have chambers in half an hour and we are nowhere near ready,” Britta said, smacking him lightly with a folder. 

Seb took the folder and started looking through it. 

He needed to get on with everything. Life had to move on. 

Just before Seb walked into the Judge’s Chambers, his phone started going. 

Kimi never rang him at work.

“Kimi? Can I ring you back later? I’m about to go into Chambers.”

“Is Max with you?”

“What?”

“Please tell me he’s with you.”

“Why would he be with me? He’s meant to be at school.” 

“He never turned up. He’s not been there all day. He’s gone, we can’t find.”

“Scheiße, Kimi, Scheiße, where the fuck is he?!”

“I don’t know,” Kimi replied, close to losing it himself, “His phone is off. Charles just rang me saying Daniel can’t find him, he’s not answering, he’s not at school anywhere. He said he was getting a lift in with Daniel but Daniel said that Max never told him that. I don’t know where he’s gone, Seb. He’s just vanished.”

“Fuck, Kimi, I’m coming home. I’ll talk to the judge, get this meeting rescheduled. We’re going to find him, we have to find him.” 

It sounded as though Sebastian was pleading with Kimi, as though if he was saying that they’d find him it would automatically have Max walk through the front door and apologise for being late and tell them he’d been at school all this time, he’d just been hiding from Daniel and his brothers in the library.

“We’ll find him, Seb. He won’t have gone far. He’ll come home,” Kimi promised. 

Seb knew he couldn’t make that kind of promise. But right now, he didn’t want to do anything but believe that their baby would come home. 

Sebastian drove home as fast and carefully as he could, and when he pulled up, Charles was waiting on the doorstep, his cheeks blotted red and his jaw shaking with emotion. 

“Where is he?” Charles begged the second Seb got to him.

“I don’t know,” Seb honestly admitted, “But we’ll find him, Charlie, I promise you.”

“I want him to come home, I don’t want him to go too.”

“He’ll come home, I promise. He probably just got a little bit overwhelmed and scared, you know Maxy. It’ll be okay, Charlie.”

“Make him come home now,” Charles begged, stomping his foot. 

“Seb?” Kimi said, walking to the door and causing the man that would soon be his ex to pull away from their youngest son. 

Seb looked up at Kimi and he saw the relief in his eyes and the way he was holding his phone against his ear.

“Have you found him?”

“Daniel’s fetching him now.”

Seb felt relief course through him. He should’ve been frustrated that he’d come all the way home and literally got as far as hugging his son on the doorstep only to be told that their son was okay. But Seb honestly didn’t care. 

The part that hurt, however, was the fact that he wanted nothing more than to fall into Kimi’s arms and hug him tight and kiss him hard. But he couldn’t do that anymore. 

Yes, Kimi had hugged him this morning but it wasn’t their normal hug and they weren’t okay. 

Nothing was okay.

“Where was he?”

“I don’t know, Dan just rang me to say he’s going to fetch him.”

“But he’s okay?”

“I think he just needed to clear his head,” Kimi nodded.

“Charles, go to your room for a second, mate, I need to talk to your Dad,” Sebastian said, brushing his fingers through Charles’ hair and watching him go. 

“I’m sorry it’s come to this.”

“Me too, Sebby. We’re all proud of you, and the kids will be okay.”

“I’ll miss you the most,” Seb promised, “I’ll miss you every day.”

Kimi smiled that certain smile that was reserved purely for when he was enamoured with Seb and they both knew it. 

No matter how much they loved one another, sometimes you have to let someone go when you love them. It would’ve been so much easier if they had simply fallen out of love, but when you love someone it doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes it is simply something as small as you’ve outgrown the person or you know that the person you love needs to go for a while, needs to explore the future and the world without you by their side. 

It doesn’t always make sense and it doesn’t always add up as easily and perfectly as you’d want it to, but they’d always love the kids no matter what and the kids would understand one day. Seb and Kimi may have had the absolute best intentions but it didn’t make things easier when they knew their kids were hurting. Max had vanished for the day, Valtteri had screamed that he hated Seb and Charles had run away in fear. 

Love didn’t make sense.

And love was scary. 

But Seb knew, they all knew, that he had to do this. 

It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like crazy and the weeks following when they all had to get used to Seb not being around and he wasn’t hearing the twins arguing 24/7 whilst Valtteri talked late into the night on his phone and Daniel was winding Kimi up in the kitchen every day was going to be the worst adjustment period in the world. 

Knowing that, no matter what, Kimi would always love him and Seb would always love Kimi, it meant that no matter how hard it would be, nothing would ever top the love they had for each other. 

There was some comfort in knowing that the kids had Kimi. 

There was more comfort in knowing that Kimi had the kids. 

Whether Seb did come home ever again, no one would know, none of them had crystal balls and none of them would ever be able to anticipate this happening. 

And tonight, Kimi would sit the three boys down and Sebastian wouldn’t be there for dinner and the boys would talk to Kimi. And tomorrow, they’d do the same. And the next day. Sebastian would be back for dinner in a few days, but slowly they had to start learning to adjust to a new world. A world that Sebastian wasn’t in 24/7. 

Sebastian just thanked whatever deity existed that no matter what, Daniel and Lewis and the little French boy that Charles had started talking about existed for his boys. The boys had each other, they had love, and they had their Dad. 

Sebastian could live with himself knowing that his family was safe and keeping themselves surrounded by the people they loved. 

It still hurt and the feelings wouldn’t go away for a long time. 

And Seb dreaded the day that he signed the papers that left him simply as _Sebastian Vettel_. But he had to do what was right for the boys and for Kimi. 

He had to let Kimi move on. 

He had to let Kimi be happy. 

He couldn’t leave him tied down in a relationship that was stuck in two separate worlds. 

Sebastian hated it. He hated it a hell of a lot. The idea of Kimi ever being with anyone else was terrifying and scary and upsetting. But he had to let him be happy. 

“I’ll stay at the hotel tonight. Give the boys chance to be angry at home without me being there. They need to get used to this,” Sebastian said, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

“Yeah, they do,” Kimi replied, and Sebastian felt his heart shatter yet again when Kimi sighed sadly, “I’m sorry it’s come to this. I’ll talk to them all tonight. I'll talk to Max about why he did this.”

“Don’t be angry at them,” Seb made him promise, “Why Max did this, I don’t know, but he did it for a reason. They all need to be angry and upset. I’m sorry I have to do this.” 

“I’m sorry too, Seb.”

Seb leant forward and brushed his lips over Kimi’s, before stepping back and walking over to his car. 

He looked over at Kimi, saw the way his soon to be ex-husband had tears racing down his cheeks and he was brushing his fingers lightly over his lips. 

Fingers that were painted with red and blue paint again. 

The colours they had been the day that Seb fell in love with him.

It was like he’d already left, as though he was already in America with the distance between them. 

They’d always known this was going to hurt. They’d promised to love each other until the end of time. But they weren’t happy with what they could give each other anymore and things were reaching a point that they could end up having an ugly break up. 

Seb had meant it when he spoke to Charles. If they split up now, they’d split up as friends. And that’s what Seb wanted. 

No

Scratch that

That wasn’t what he wanted.

What he wanted was Kimi by his side until the end of time. 

He wanted Kimi to fight him, to scream and shout and tell him not to go. To beg him to stay. 

Sebastian knew he wouldn’t. 

Sebastian knew that Kimi couldn’t do that to him.

Kimi was the one who knew how stagnant and stuck Seb felt he was in his career and he needed to try something knew. He wouldn’t deny Sebastian that. He knew his husband needed a change and he knew that UNICEF was the place that could do that for him. 

And yet, Sebastian still wasn’t convinced that he wouldn’t give it all up in a second if Kimi simply said ‘don’t go’.

Kimi turned his back and Sebastian never looked back at the front door as he drove away.

Kimi Räikkönen had carved his way into Seb’s heart in the same way that their boys had.

And Kimi knew that letting Seb go was needed. Separating was needed. 

It didn’t mean he had to like it and it didn’t mean he had to let him go happily. 

_Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love,  
Sometimes the best intentions just ain’t enough_

Seb hated that that had become his reality. 

But it was time to accept it and as he cried lightly, driving away from his family and his home, he knew he had to start accepting his new reality. 

It didn’t mean that Sebastian had to like it though and it didn’t mean that he would be okay. 

To be fair though, none of them were okay. And none of them would be okay for a while. 

Life really fucking sucked sometimes.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE REMEMBER THIS IS NOT CANON TO MY CHAOTIC TRIO VERSE I PROMISE THEY'RE HAPPILY MARRIED FOREVER IN THE UPCOMING FICS
> 
> Also if you’ve ever watched Suits, the relationship between Donna and Harvey is entirely what I imagine the relationship between Britta and Seb to be lol 
> 
> Comments, kudos and feedback is always greatly appreciated. 
> 
> Come and shout at me on Tumblr lol 3303andmore
> 
> I have nothing else to say, idk man I hope you enjoyed :)


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